Not For Me.

Yesterday was a day where I really appreciated who is my life. Even though I don't see many of my friends often and I don't communicate with my family as much, they're still in my thoughts. The times when they're not there, I'm thinking of them and how much I miss them. I have more than enough support and comfort in my life, I don't need anymore. Especially if I have to work to gain acceptance.

It's just my first day of pledging and I should be excited, but I'm not. I should've trusted my instincts in the first place. But I wanted to take a chance (as always) and try it before I judge or assume. I mean, it's good that I went for it but I'm not feeling it. I'm not comfortable or feel like I'm being me that's why I really feel like I shouldn't continue on and waste more of my time along with theirs. I feel extremely bad because they did a lot of things for me, especially my "big sis" but then again, I didn't know what it was before and I didn't see everything coming. I didn't ask for it the gifts. The most important thing is I have to think of myself and what's best for me before anything else.

During the interview, one of the questions they asked was, 'How do you feel about quitting?' I answered, 'I feel like quitting is a waste of time. If you're going to go for it you might as well go all the way.' But here's the thing. I think there’s a difference between quitting and not wanting to do something that you feel isn’t right for you. There are certain things that are suitable for some people and not fit for others. I don’t hold any grudges or have anything against what you’re aiming for but I’d rather chose not to be a part of it because I don’t feel like myself doing so. I mean, I met a lot of nice girls. But I took a chance for the experience and come to find out it’s not something that I crave for in my life.

I think that respect and trust shall be earned in a formal manner. I don't feel like I should prove anything to anyone to gain acceptance anywhere. I talked to Kelvin and Vince about my position and they made a good point. They said the Greek life is mostly for people who aren't from around here and is trying to find a comfort place where they belong. But I already have that. I have family and friends that are already there for me. I'm home. I don't need more, especially in this sort of way. No, it's not me at all. I have more respect for myself and I won't tolerate being treated this way even though there's a reason for it all in the end.

T h e E n d .