Saturday, April 23, 2011

Someone.

I want someone to run up to me, give me the biggest, most loving hug in the world and tell me that there's no where in the world that they'd rather be than with me. Someone who will tell me the corniest lines in the world, but by then, I'll actually think it's adorable and won't have as much trouble believing it. I want someone who I can trust with all my heart that they won't damage it. I want someone who will change the way I view life. I want someone who is opposite of who I am so he can balance out my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Someone who I won't ever hesititate to turn to because I know that he gives me the best comfort. Someone who will stick around despite the fact that they know how thick my walls are. Someone who is willing to be patient with me because he thinks that I'm worth the wait. Someone loving and understanding.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Mother-Daughter Relationships.

I can see the way I react to my mom's supportive criticism and I can see the way my mom reacts to my grandma's support criticism. It makes me think about (if I were to have a child) the way my daughter will react to me. I've grown to analyze that mom and daughter relationships aren't always parallel but has it's major ups and downs. Sometimes you'll have the best time bonding and then other times you'll get on each others' last nerve. I try to control my temper with my mom but it's sad to admit that it can be hard. Some of the things she say can automatically annoy me. My mom worries way too much and sometimes doesn't take the time to understand my point of view. I understand that she's looking out for me and wants the best for me but I know better for myself. I know the caring, protective love she has for me will never change because that mother love comes naturally and remains permanent but sometimes I would like to do things on my own. It aggravates me so much when I'm not able to do the things I want without someone over-analyzing everything I do. I have put myself in her shoes and I know that if I were to have kids, I would constantly worry about what they're doing as well but I'm wondering if that conscious of worry will ever go away? And I feel extremely bad every time that I do raise my voice at my mom because I feel like my mom and dad are the last people that I should ever disrespect but just sometimes, the annoyance comes naturally. I love my mom, so much. I know so many people in the world would kill to have the love that my mom showers me with everyday. I am such a lucky person to have been born in such loving arms. I don't take advantage of it at all, but it would just be nice to do things my way even if it consists with many mistakes - life is a process of learning. My parents have raised me this far to not trust that I will do just fine in the real world. Out of all the people, I would be the one to know what's right from wrong. I feel like I am like a replica of my mom. I don't think it's me she doesn't trust but just what's outside in the world. I'm scared to have a daughter because I can already see how tough it is having to raise a child and I can see exactly what it will be like. But I guess in a way, I hope I will grow up to gain the characteristics of my mom. She and my dad has raised me up so well (although I wish I were more disciplined) and I trust myself and their ways. If my daughter grew up in the same household w/ the same mentality, I know she'd be capable of living her own life too when she's old enough.

Mother-daughter relationships are never easy. I've learned to realize that. But with every little frustration I get, I start to realize more about the kind of relationship we have. It's far from bad. It's like my mom's objectives are so good that it's bad which is hard to explain... idk. But she's an amazing woman. As I mentioned, I hope to be like her when I grow up (but less cautious of life. lol)
<3