Lonely Girl.

16 years alone and then another year and a half being single, I can't help the fact that I'm use to being independent - that I'm use to relying on my own for many things. I can't help that I'm defensive and guard myself with the right intentions. I think college has changed me. I use to be very social and outgoing but I feel as if all my energy has decreased. I was questioning myself about it earlier. Is it my mentality changing due to maturity or is it the environment I'm in now? I'm not sure. Sometimes when I'm in a room full of people, I still feel alone and I really don't like the feeling because it shouldn't be like that, you know? I should feel welcomed but I don't. I've tried to be more friendly and talkative but I can only try so hard. I don't want to have to push myself to try and develop some kind of personality that I don't have. I wouldn't be me. I use to have a group of friends to go to but I feel like I don't have that either. Everyone is segregated. Everyone actually has a group they're able to go back to but I really don't. One of the reasons why I wanted to join a sorority was so I had something to bounce back on but that just wasn't for me. I think I shall get involved in another club to meet more people and gain new experiences. I think that would be good for me. I just need people to talk to. People to connect with. People to go out and have fun with without having to try as hard.

Also. Being dependent upon myself for so long, it gets lonely. I mean, all these couples and people having someone to talk to. I feel like I'm always on the outside looking in, watching everyone do their own thing while I'm just standing still. I'm always the odd one out w/ no excitement in my life or stories to tell. I want the chance to feel again, I want to feel more. I know only time will tell what happens, but I'm tired of waiting sometimes. It gets frustrating and I don't want to lose hope. I just need to pick up a hobby to do to keep my mind occupied from everything.

I'm just a lonely girl.